Falling and Catching

There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere

There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Gotta Be Somebody - Nickleback

When you start to fall for someone, a curious thing happens.

Please note that your mysterious feelings can end on either stage of this process.

First, you cope with your strange new feelings through denial. This step can last a couple minutes, or even a few years. You convince yourself that you can't possibly be falling for yet another person. You still can't believe that you've lost interest in someone else, and you try to cling to that feeling as long as possible--before you finally learn to let go of the past. Some people ignore this new feeling, afraid that chasing after it can only cause them eventual pain. They're the independent type, who believe that they don't require a lover to be happy. They might even say cruel things about the person, as if convincing themselves not to like them. Don't do it, girl, you have too much going on right now and you don' t need anybody else to get in the way. You don't need him. 

After stage 1, you move to stage 2. You embrace your new feelings. Your heart, once broken, realizes that it feels whole again. A burst of excitement bubbles within you, and you feel flushed whenever you picture their face. Whether you're still in partial denial or not, you can't stop thinking about them. What is this feeling? And why is this happening?

Then you start thinking even more about them. It's no longer about the physical attraction that they may or may not possess; rather, you realize their inner beauty. The person within. You start to fall for their personality. At this stage, most people have already started conversations with the person they like. Those more shy than the braver will hold back, only talking to their 'lovers' in their thoughts and dreams. Whether they were close friends before, or complete strangers, you start to feel a deep connection between you two. You start to think that maybe you two can become something special. We're perfect for each other, can't he see?

And then your feelings expand into the cosmos, just when you thought that they couldn't grow anymore. You don't just think you two were made for each other, you believe it. Every single action of theirs becomes a memory. Every single girl a potential threat to your desired throne.  Your nights consist mostly of him; you fantasize the meeting, you fantasize the relationship, you even fantasize the fights and the problems that you two magically seem to work out. It's your mind, and you let it run wild. 

At this point, you've realized that there are two paths laid out for you. One leads to potential happiness, and the other leads to heartbreak.

1. The first 'path' leads to heartbreak. You think you're falling for someone, but you can't seem to land anywhere. You want to talk to them about your feelings--you want to find out if his heart is thinking of you too. But you're afraid. What if he denies you? What if you try too hard, and this wonderful feeling you've 'earned' dies? You want to take the risk, but you just can't. Things are just too complicated. 

One of two things can happen after you're done. The first is depressing; after you've stayed in 'love limbo,' you realize your feelings are fading. You question if your heart was playing tricks on you, and you grow dark and desperate to revive your feelings. Asking him seems to far fetched now.

Or, your affection could possibly grow so out of control that you change paths. You make a move on him.

2. The second 'path' can make you very happy. It requires you to have confidence. Your feelings have grown so strong, that you take that leap of faith. Letting him know your interested can mean a couple of things. You can straight out tell him your feelings, or you can give him subtle hints by telling his friends. However you ask him out, you already know the answer. It's either 'yes' or 'no.' If he agrees to start seeing you, your feelings usually grow even stronger. If not, your confidence is bruised but not broken. If you are brave enough to tread this path in the first place, you're brave enough to tread another.

If you, after the previous stages, are now in a relationship, most think that it ends there. You asked, or he asked, but the point is that somebody said 'yes.' You conclude that you are in love. But a simple 'yes' answer doesn't mean anything. Yes, you probably fell for him. Yes, he probably fell for you. But that isn't love at all. That's simply trying to find love. Love is unconditional. You expect nothing in return for your generous actions. Every time you kiss, you feel that same feeling of utter helplessness. Every time you see him, you're instantly happy. If you were ever depressed in your so called 'love,' it isn't love at all. You're clinging to the idea of love. You're lying to yourself. Nobody wants to be alone, but you shouldn't be with somebody whom you don't have feelings for anymore. If that's the case, reflect on the positive feelings you had with him and just move on.

Please don't mistake the difference between 'falling in love' and 'love.' Falling in love is like tripping--you feel the excitement and fear, and you wait for that moment when you hit the ground. This feeling can last years, and can give you a false sense of hope. You can easily fall out of love, by simply hitting the floor. Love is completely different. You cycle through all the steps until you finally find somebody that catches you before you hit the bottom. 

After you've fallen once, you can recognize the same pattern repeating over and over again until it feels as if your heart can't take it anymore. Don't give up. There's somebody out there for you--there's a somebody for everybody.

And I'm pretty damn positive that somewhere out there, there's a somebody for me.