Talk

Have you ever wanted just to talk to somebody, so badly that it hurt?

Have you ever wanted to hold deep intimate conversations with somebody--ever wanted to spill your heart out--ever wanted to let somebody into your armed fortress? Ever dreamt about somebody where the only thing you two do is talk.

Then why don't we, if we want to talk so badly? Why can't we just begin that little conversation that could affect the rest of our lives if we let it?

Because we're scared. Scared of what the future brings. Scared of the darkness, the light, the unknown.

And sometimes, we fear we won't be understood. We're so caught up in our own conversations with ourselves, that we feel as if nobody else could think just like you. Just like me.

But we're wrong. People are more connected than we realize. Because everyone wants that certain someone. Not only to hug, not only to kiss, not only to marry.

But to simply talk.

F My Life

I was browsing Facebook today, when I stumbled upon a posted link; www.fmylife.com. I spent about an hour browsing it, when I realized that my life is fantastic compared to some people. I also realized just how screwed up this world really is.

Here are a few of my favorites that I read. They're effing hilarious! Enjoy!

Note: These aren't written by me, but rather random users who are members of FMyLife.com.

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML

Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my finace's grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

Today, I found out I won a 20,000 or 30,000 dollar scholarship. After celebrating with my family by jumping around the room for a half-hour, we realized it was addressed to someone else with the same last name. When we called to tell her, she said it was weird because she had received my rejection letter. FML

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

Today, I was cleaning my room and opened my closet to spray febreze on all of my clothes. After they were fairly soaked, I placed the bottled back in the cleaning drawer, and realized that it was bleach. FML

Today, I was walking my friends dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FLM

Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and proceeded to choke on the boba in a coughing fit. FML

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I undressed and then proceeded to throw up all over the rug. FML

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!". I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

Today, I bought a parakeet for my kids. When I got home and presented it to them, they wanted to let him fly around inside. We went around the house making sure all the windows and doors were shut. Unfortunately I forgot to turn off the ceiling fan. FML

Today, my cat got into the bathroom while I was changing my tampon. As I was throwing the applicator away, I felt a sharp pain around my vagina; I looked down to find him swatting at the tampon string. FML

Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

So, which one is your favorite? I couldn't decide either.

Bi-Polar

Just talk yourself up, and tear yourself down

You've hit your one wall, now find a way around

For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic - Paramore

I feel bi-polar.

Just the other day, I felt liberated. Free from the clutches of darkness that snatch at the very foundation of my soul. I could do anything. Be anyone. I was an individual, and I didn't need anybody else to be happy.

I spent the day painting my nails and styling my hair. I cleaned my room, organized my clothes, and read a few Seventeen magazines. It felt great to be female. Great to have no major health problems. Great to be alive. It felt wonderful to learn and to indulge in life's pleasures, such as chocolate chip cookies and music. I felt optimistic. I have my entire life ahead of me, so why waste the present worrying about minor things?

Everything was great.

And then the day after, I got a reality check. That darkness returned into my life. I felt lonely. I felt sad. I felt a little insane at times. I felt broken. Like I was nothing. I knew I could go back to painting my nails and primping my look, but I suddenly lost the desire to. What is the point? Nobody else cares about my nails or my hair or my clothes. They all have their own problems to worry about. I'm not important in the grand scheme of things. What does a clean room have anything to do with living a fulfilling life? I didn't felt liberated anymore. I felt trapped. Locked to my own dark thoughts.

And now today, I'm neutral.

I don't know what to think. I don't know what I feel right now. Happy? Or Miserable. Liberated? Or trapped. I know tomorrow is always another day, so I'm not depressed or anything. Just confused.

I wish life could be more clear.

Jericoacoara

I have an important announcement to make.

I have a COUNTRY!

Okay, so it's not really mine. But it has my name written all over it. And it's only my ideal vacation spot. It's like a dream.

I was sitting in TA today, bored, so I decided to type in my name on Internet Explorers address bar. And what I discovered was mindblowing amazing.

There is a country off of the coast of Brazil called Jericoacoara! With one of the best beaches in the world, it's become a popular tourist spot. There are no large buildings, and it's simply beautiful.

Originally a fishing village until about twenty years ago, Jeri is currently an Enviornmental Protection Area; which means building limitations. There are no paved roads, and everything is tropical and beautiful. There are no streetlights; only the stars and the moon at night. They say that Jericoacoara has some of the best views of the stars, completely unpolluted by city lights.

People flock to Jeri to windsurf, kitesurf, sandsurf...and to surf! There's horseback riding, canoeing, and most of all, relaxing! People there put everything off until 'tomorrow.' Life just goes with the flow. The beauty of nature is stunning, and there's plenty of time to take it all in. 

As it's website says, "Jeri is a place removed from the hurried modern world of screeching sirens, maniac deadlines, traffic jams and endless lineups. A place where streets are paved with sand, where beaches stretch as far as the eye can see and where warm water marries with palm swaying breezes."

It has now become a dream of mine to visit there. Jericoacoara.  

The website is www.jeri.com. Feel free to check out my new paradise. 

Wishing Star

I had to write a ballad for my British Literature class, with certain vocabulary words and parameters, etc. I thought you guys should read it:

WISHING STAR

Upon the oceanic shores
Of the deep pacific
Roams a man named Theodore
His heart and soul romantic

His spirit though is shattered still
For luxuries he lacks
Born and raised in families poor
Wandering far and back

And through his lonely travels long,
He stole a glimpse of She
Her supple hair and bright green eyes
And coy personality

And on this shore, this sanded heath
Nighttime stilled the water
Breathlessly gazing towards the sky,
In heart there was no other

At last the first bright star appeared
It’s rays of light numerous
And Theodore closed his tired eyes
And made a nighttime wish

Down from above, out of the heavens
Appeared the nighttime sovereign
Whose been watching over Theodore
With thoughts of great concern.

“Theodore, you now wished upon it,
A wish upon the star!
I’ve waited years, solicitous
For you to call afar

“A star I’ll grant you, with one wish,
Please use it with caution”
And back into the nighttime sky,
He rejoined oblivion

Theodore sat holding his star
Falling off it glitter
He thought of all he could accrue
Eminence and sundry treasure.

And yet, though poverty stricken
He only thought of Her.
That seemly voice and sweet, sweet smell.
Her love he did aspire.

He dashed agile to her hostelry
And caught her staring high
At the moon, and at the night,
And of the stars that occupy

He reached out his cold and shaking hands,
Bestowing her the star
“It’ll grant you any wish, my lady,
I received it from afar.”

The maiden smiled, her cheeks reddening,
She stared into his eyes.
And Theodore stared back into hers,
Hers, seeming much more wise.

She took the gift and threw it back
At the night, the black sky
Theodore fell, his feelings crushed
The lady then replied,

“I’ve seen you here, your heart is pure,
Yet hopeless you do feel,
And wishes are for the hopeless only,
And hopeless not, I repeal.

“A star we need not wish upon,
Hopeless you shouldn’t be.
For always now, always forever
You eternally have me.”

Sometime Around Midnight

And it starts sometime around midnight,

or at least that's when you lose yourself for a minute or two.

Sometime Around Midnight - The Airborne Toxic Event

Broken.

It's a feeling everyone at one point in their lives have felt. It's that dejected emotion you pull out from the pit of your stomach every time you look in the mirror.

There's heart-broken. You feel torn and ripped apart inside, and you hurt and cry and break yourself apart over somebody that doesn't share the same feelings as you.

Then there's spirit-broken. Your life isn't turning out where you want it to, you're full of regret and pain and sorrow for everything that could have been. You've really screwed up somewhere.

Next, there's innocence-broken. You realize just how hurtful this world can really be. Just how dark and evil human nature is. Just how sick and twisted life can be.

After that, there's image-broken. You hate yourself. You hate your figure. Your legs. Your height. Your hair. Your face. You hate yourself so much that you've tried to change yourself. And you realize that you don't know who YOU are anymore.

Last but not least, there's soul-broken. Nothing is right. Everything in the world is out to get you. People, memories, objects, they all bring pain and you don't know why. Every day is a blur. Nothing seems real.

Broken. Eventually, you start to realize just how broken everybody really is. Just how broken this entire WORLD is.

I was sitting in homework lab the other day, watching people finish their work and draw in their notebooks. I was feeling sorry for myself and my miserable problems. Why me? Why am I so broken and tired and crushed? 

That's when it hit me. We all have problems. Each and every one of us in that room has felt broken at one point in our lives. We have all felt scared and lonely and torn. I wasn't alone. 

And by knowing that, it made me stronger. For each of us are just broken pieces-but put them together, and a wholeness is created. A wholeness of all the good left inside of us. 

Life is a bitch. But we're all facing that bitch together.