Gift Horse

Don't feed the gift horse by the foot.

What does this mean? I'll explain this classic metaphor. First off, you can't feed a gift horse, for by feeding a gift horse you are intentionally and deliberately -- wait, what?

If you actually tried to interpret the above statement, congratulations! You're an idiot! Kind of like me.

So the actual saying is 'Don't look the gift horse in the mouth.' At the time, I didn't know the real saying and kinda sorta made up my own. Don't do that.

What exactly does this mean? Well, for starters, this saying like most has a historical background behind it. As horses age their teeth begin to project further forward each year, and so their age can be estimated by checking how prominent the teeth are.

If you receive a gift, such as candy or even knowledge, the problem people face becomes accessing the value of the gift. This is just like examining a gift horse, to make sure it isn't too old. It's a gift. It's useful. It can run really fast and be really pretty.

When given a present, be grateful for your good fortune and don't look for more by examining it to assess its value.

( ps: My internet has been down, so I'm sorry for this useless post. I'll think of something more important later. )

Valentines Day

I made a song two years ago, on Valentines Day.

And where the circumstances surrounding the song no longer fit for today, I thought I might as well post it. I found it on my computer, and had a total flashback. It was pretty wicked. It made me realize that this Valentines Day was not nearly as miserable as that one.

So here is a two year old song.

Twas a dusty afternoon on Valentines Day
The world rushing all around me
I said wait- just give me a sec
but it keeps turning and doesn't look back

I see your gaze overlooking my heart
Your eyes shining at me, only me
But now, after this damn world has turned,
you look at me, and see...sadness.

Now you're with them laughing
And your with them smiling
And I'm here crying
Those eyes were once on me

And the tears fill my eyes
As I see your face
And my heart turns to gold
Oh, but its so heavy
What are the words,
to all this pain?
You don't even notice me..
Like you did, can't you see...
Happy Valentines Day.

I'm sitting all alone,
with no-one to hear
The crying of my soul and my heart
But you- you don't notice that now
All you care about is them.
Not me.

And I can remember a time
Where we would only laugh
No regrets, no lies, and no looking back
Now all you can do is follow the wind
But me- I will never change.

And your with them laughing
And your with them smiling
And I'm here dying!
Those eyes were once on me!

And the tears fill my eyes
As I see your face
And my heart turns to gold
Oh, but its so heavy
How can I say,
What I feel now?
You don't even notice me..
Like you did, can't you see...
Happy Valentines Day!

My heart its melting out of orbit
Crying, aching- can't you see it
But you can't, 'cause you are blind
Taking up my tiiiime
I tried to wait, I tried to count
All the days that went without
A word said to me- and
No it cannot be
For every wish I make to you
Every smile and laugh is true
Even after all we've been- through
And every time I see the day
Your eyes are always there to say
I loved you once....I..love you..now...

And the tears fill my eyes
As I see your face
And my heart turns to gold
But its covered with wings!
How can I say,
that I love you?
You don't even notice me..
Like you did, but now I see....
Happy Valentines Day!

'Twas a dusty evening, on Valentines Day
Your eyes glancing over to me
Then I think- maybe you still...
Love me like you use to...
Love me like I...do....

Tear My Heart Open

I tear my heart open, I'll sew myself shut

My weakness is, I care too much

My scars remind us that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

Scars - Papa Roach

Valentines Day! Valentines' Weekend! Filled with love and happiness and romance and chocolate!

Unfortunately, this wasn't the case for me. This hasn't been the case for me for years.

Do you remember Valentines Day in the first grade? You'd arrive to school with your bag of Valentine cards, and at the end of the day you and the rest of the class would pass them out to each other. Everyone usually received the same amount of cards and candy. Everyone was happy.

If only today could be that simple. Most of the world despises this lovable day. It's the day where you sit and mope. Where you loath your pathetic life. It's the day where you watch other amazing relationships that only make you feel more horrible about all your failed ones. It's miserable.

So this Valentines Day I had to say goodbye to Hannah. We'll all miss her dearly, and I can't wait to see her again in five months.

But I also missed Formal. I couldn't pay. And my mom would only pay for me if I had a date. Unfortunately, I rejected all of my dates. So I'm not blaming anyone other than myself.

I was originally going to go with Nina. But decided against it. She's too preoccupied with her new best buddy, Kierstyn.

It was yesterday when I felt so miserable that I hated life itself. My friends came back from Formal, and all they could talk about was how wonderful it was. How much fun they had. How much fun I would of had if I had went. And all there pep and cheer worked together to crush my spirit.

This was upsetting me enough when I realized, at the end of the night, Nina hadn't called me. She hadn't made any effort to contact me at all. And that was the last 'scoop of sadness' on the miserable sundae ( as she would say ).

I feel replaced.

So last night, It's not fun to admit, I let those tears fall. I felt like the loneliest person on earth. Everyone had somebody. And I didn't even have anybody to cheer me up about that.

We all want to feel something. We all want to feel loved and appreciated by those around you. And I know, even if I can't feel it, that I am. I do have friends and family who care about me. Even if right now, I can't feel it. I have to think positively.

I'm feeling a bit better today, but the rain hasn't helped my mood at all. In eighth grade, I was super depressed. I vow NEVER to become that depressed again. EVER. I'll cheer myself up one way or another. And I'll prove to the world of single ladies ( props to Beyonce ) that you don't need a relationship to be happy.

Falling and Catching

There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere

There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Gotta Be Somebody - Nickleback

When you start to fall for someone, a curious thing happens.

Please note that your mysterious feelings can end on either stage of this process.

First, you cope with your strange new feelings through denial. This step can last a couple minutes, or even a few years. You convince yourself that you can't possibly be falling for yet another person. You still can't believe that you've lost interest in someone else, and you try to cling to that feeling as long as possible--before you finally learn to let go of the past. Some people ignore this new feeling, afraid that chasing after it can only cause them eventual pain. They're the independent type, who believe that they don't require a lover to be happy. They might even say cruel things about the person, as if convincing themselves not to like them. Don't do it, girl, you have too much going on right now and you don' t need anybody else to get in the way. You don't need him. 

After stage 1, you move to stage 2. You embrace your new feelings. Your heart, once broken, realizes that it feels whole again. A burst of excitement bubbles within you, and you feel flushed whenever you picture their face. Whether you're still in partial denial or not, you can't stop thinking about them. What is this feeling? And why is this happening?

Then you start thinking even more about them. It's no longer about the physical attraction that they may or may not possess; rather, you realize their inner beauty. The person within. You start to fall for their personality. At this stage, most people have already started conversations with the person they like. Those more shy than the braver will hold back, only talking to their 'lovers' in their thoughts and dreams. Whether they were close friends before, or complete strangers, you start to feel a deep connection between you two. You start to think that maybe you two can become something special. We're perfect for each other, can't he see?

And then your feelings expand into the cosmos, just when you thought that they couldn't grow anymore. You don't just think you two were made for each other, you believe it. Every single action of theirs becomes a memory. Every single girl a potential threat to your desired throne.  Your nights consist mostly of him; you fantasize the meeting, you fantasize the relationship, you even fantasize the fights and the problems that you two magically seem to work out. It's your mind, and you let it run wild. 

At this point, you've realized that there are two paths laid out for you. One leads to potential happiness, and the other leads to heartbreak.

1. The first 'path' leads to heartbreak. You think you're falling for someone, but you can't seem to land anywhere. You want to talk to them about your feelings--you want to find out if his heart is thinking of you too. But you're afraid. What if he denies you? What if you try too hard, and this wonderful feeling you've 'earned' dies? You want to take the risk, but you just can't. Things are just too complicated. 

One of two things can happen after you're done. The first is depressing; after you've stayed in 'love limbo,' you realize your feelings are fading. You question if your heart was playing tricks on you, and you grow dark and desperate to revive your feelings. Asking him seems to far fetched now.

Or, your affection could possibly grow so out of control that you change paths. You make a move on him.

2. The second 'path' can make you very happy. It requires you to have confidence. Your feelings have grown so strong, that you take that leap of faith. Letting him know your interested can mean a couple of things. You can straight out tell him your feelings, or you can give him subtle hints by telling his friends. However you ask him out, you already know the answer. It's either 'yes' or 'no.' If he agrees to start seeing you, your feelings usually grow even stronger. If not, your confidence is bruised but not broken. If you are brave enough to tread this path in the first place, you're brave enough to tread another.

If you, after the previous stages, are now in a relationship, most think that it ends there. You asked, or he asked, but the point is that somebody said 'yes.' You conclude that you are in love. But a simple 'yes' answer doesn't mean anything. Yes, you probably fell for him. Yes, he probably fell for you. But that isn't love at all. That's simply trying to find love. Love is unconditional. You expect nothing in return for your generous actions. Every time you kiss, you feel that same feeling of utter helplessness. Every time you see him, you're instantly happy. If you were ever depressed in your so called 'love,' it isn't love at all. You're clinging to the idea of love. You're lying to yourself. Nobody wants to be alone, but you shouldn't be with somebody whom you don't have feelings for anymore. If that's the case, reflect on the positive feelings you had with him and just move on.

Please don't mistake the difference between 'falling in love' and 'love.' Falling in love is like tripping--you feel the excitement and fear, and you wait for that moment when you hit the ground. This feeling can last years, and can give you a false sense of hope. You can easily fall out of love, by simply hitting the floor. Love is completely different. You cycle through all the steps until you finally find somebody that catches you before you hit the bottom. 

After you've fallen once, you can recognize the same pattern repeating over and over again until it feels as if your heart can't take it anymore. Don't give up. There's somebody out there for you--there's a somebody for everybody.

And I'm pretty damn positive that somewhere out there, there's a somebody for me.

Let's Finish This

It doesn't make a bit of difference if you start what 

you can't finish. Every story needs an ending, after all.

Can't Finish What You've Started - Motion City Soundtrack

Why can't we as humans ever finish what we start?

It starts on the smaller scale. I remember, growing up in the sixth grade, a comic-based story I created called Scrawny. The idea was actually quite amazing, and eventually the idea grew from one character to a multitude; each with individual traits and unique characteristics. And each character had their own theme, which was amazingly deep even for my standards. I planned to create the comic once I learned how to draw.

Unfortunately, even know when I still can't draw but can manage, the story was never completed. I was browsing through my hard drive today when I found a documentation of each character of my childhood comic. And a strange feeling arose from me. A feeling of grief and sadness and regret.

Why couldn't I finish this? I spent hours in developing each character, creating unique plots and intricate relationship triangles. This could have been amazing if I put more effort into it! My only excuse for never completing this comic was the obvious laziness I possess. That, and I'm a huge procrastinator. 

But I don't think it was even that. I didn't finish the comic ( let alone actually start ) because I was afraid that once I started, I would never finish. In a sense, I never gave it a chance.

Other aspects of my life are like that. Whenever I find a guy that is somewhat attracted to me, I refuse to give him a chance. I'm afraid that if I start a relationship with him, or even start dating him, it would end abruptly and be wasted effort. Like my comic.

Take almost all my websites. Paradox was a forum that was highly unique, original, and well developed. It died within the first few months. Rawrer was a forum that was also deeply developed. The forum is still there today, rotting and decaying; a ghost-town. 

But this idea goes beyond the small spectrum of my life; the human kind itself is like this. Why do people fear marriage? Because they fear the end of it. They fear they won't put in enough effort, and they'll end unfulfilled and unfinished. They fear they won't finish what they start.

This fear gives people a sense of instant failure. Nothing I ever do can really change the world, so why bother trying? 

 If I had started that comic all those years ago, maybe I'd be a different person today. Maybe if I gave people chances, I wouldn't be so closed and sad and lonely.  Maybe if we all finished what we started, instead of being selfish, the world would be a better place today. 

We all know about global warming. It's one of the hottest topics of today, besides Angelina  Jolie's adopted children. We know the facts; we've researched them and studied our planet to the extent that we can predict the possible end of our planet. We know the future; we have the knowledge and inventions to save energy, save endangered species, and keep the earth healthy. We know we should recycle, and use less water, and turn off unused lights to save energy. We know our cars destroy our air, and we know where to buy the latest and greatest Hybrid vehicles. 

Then why is our planet still dying? I'll tell you why. We started saving our planet, but people instinctively stopped caring. We created all this new technology; solar panels, hybrids, eco-efficient food. And yet we still guzzle up gas driving to Florida in our brandy dandy SUV's. We still flicker lights childishly. We still take five minute showers every day, sometimes twice. We started the battle against global warming. But it seems as if we have little intention of finishing it.

Don't be afraid to face the outcome. Finish what you start, my dearies. Remember, it is human nature not to. Be a rebel, and fight back against our human instincts! Let's finish this!

Breaking Away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.

Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

Feelings always change. People change. Time passes and nothing ever stays the same.

I am somebody used to this so-called change. Having moved to five states within my lifetime, living in a couple of different houses, I pretty much know the whole process like the back of my hand.

It starts with house hunting. Usually I'd sit in the backseat of our car, with my mom driving to different models of the latest and greatest houses; I'd stare at the new surroundings outside my window, fantasizing about where my new room would be and where all my toys would go. We'd meet the faces of our parents new best friends; our realitors. They'd work around our current house, fixing and cleaning and designing so that it was ready to sell. Almost as if they were taking away all that made it our own. If we stubbornly refused to clean our rooms, they usually bribed us with a large sum of cash. Back then, 50$ would do the trick.

As our house is being sold, we'd wait patiently for our new home to be constructed. My father felt obliged to build new, instead of buying out old ones. We'd visit the site occasionally to scope out how things were going, and to make minor adjustments in the floor plans.

That musky smell of a new house stuck with me forever. The scent of sawdust tingling in the cavities of my nose. The feel of the bare floors, gray and plain, prickling with nails and staples and sharp objects unsafe. The feeling of emptiness as I stood in a house with unfinished walls, unwritten memories. The noise of construction workers cutting and slicing and knocking and stapling.

The next step would be choosing carpets. Spending hours smoothing my fingers over each and every fiber, we'd take both texture and color into deep consideration; multicolored for the basements which became dirty often, long and soft for our rooms. Tiles were always a tedious process of our parents prying advice out of us. "This one or this one?" they'd say, pointing to two different tiles that practically were the exact same shade of pearl. Everything seemed so important to them.

Then we'd wait. Eventually we'd move into an apartment, staying there from up to a couple months until the building of our new house is completed. And right after we get situated in our tiny little apartment, we'd pack up all our things once again and move into our new living space. Boxes would be tossed up and about the house as we spent days unpacking and unwrapping.

And in a month, we'd be settled in and living life like nothing had happened. The awkward phase where places were still unexplored soon dissolved. The busyness of moving had subsided, and we once again had time to worry about movie stars and new television shows.

The whole process of moving is so familiar with me. But that doesn't mean it's easy.

It's never easy leaving the people you love behind. Just as I start meeting the most amazing people, just as I'm no longer considered the 'new girl' anymore, my entire life is swept away. Relationships start to break up, and old friends become the faces of strangers. The moving process would brace me for the times to come. It would distract me from the world I'm leaving behind.

Maybe moving has only made me weaker. Deteriorated my senses. My identity is now scattered throughout the country. It's harder to see who I really am. It's more difficult to meet new faces knowing there's a chance of losing them. I've lived in houses, but not homes. My home is somewhere within my soul. Somewhere I haven't moved to yet.

Maybe, just maybe, I've grown so used to change that it now runs in my blood. I expect it. I wait for it to come knocking, because sooner or later it always does.

But I hate change. I hate it. That musky smell of sawdust and those long car trips and airplane rides. They bring me such peace, but such pain. I've spent many days wondering why I hate change so much. Why am I so afraid to start something new? I'm so used to change. I grew up in it. But how come I don't accept it yet?

I'm happy where I am right now. I'm glad I moved here. But you never know when life can change. You never know when your entire world can be not just swept, but sucked out of you until you are once again lonely and hopeless. Change is never easy. Leaving what you left behind is heartbreaking.

I'm used to change. And I hate it. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that it has only made me stronger.

With every move, I tell myself it's a new beginning. A fresh start. I always find the faults in my past, and try to eliminate them from my future. I try changing myself. Maybe this time I'll make more friends. Maybe this time I'll become a better person. Maybe this time I won't get into so many fights; be so lonely; be so lost and confused. And maybe, just possibly, I'll stop being so damn shy and face the world.

With every move I believe I grow stronger.

Maybe looking at it optimistically has given me some foundation of strength. Maybe there's a purpose for going where I'm going. Maybe I can learn something amazing, or teach others about my life experiences. Maybe I can change the world, because I myself understand change. I've seen so much. I've witnessed so many different problems and faced so many challenges, some of life or death. I am who I am today because of everything I've seen. Everything I've lived through.

I would never wish to move from here. I love where I am. I love all my friends and the people I've met. But I am here because of where I've been. So for that, I am thankful for.

Just in case you're worried, I am not moving. The purpose of this post was simply to inform you about my view about moving.

Cofem

Yellow-eyed, black teeth...screamin' like a 

demon at the top of his lungs.

Lake Pontchartrain - Ludo

I deleted my Xanga a while back, but I happened to save an interesting post.

Mind you, this is a couple years old, but I thought I should post it for the nostalgia. I'm sure the story was osverdramaticised, but it's still an important chapter of my history.

WARNING: Strong language and VERY BAD GRAMMATICAL errors await you below. This is unedited from it's original post. Enjoy!

Oh my gosh. I was with my friends for Tina's birthday and we decided that in the nighttime we would go play with Warrior in the park. Well, as you all know, Warrior is just a little puppy who loves to play and get in other dogs buisness. Is that so harmful? Well apparently, it was to CrazyOldFartEvilMan (aka COFEM). Well, here we are playing in the sand with Warrior, and then Cofem comes with his full grown big black lab without a leash. We didn't notice this though untill Warrior came and started jumping and playing with this lab. Thus, Cofem started yelling and trying to get Warrior away. So, just like every other dog that comes around, Tina's mom and I went and tried to pull Warrior away. Well, usually Warrior trotted over happily and forgot all about it. Well, that would of worked if Cofem didn't start hiting and smashing Warrior. So, Warrior as usual, got angry, and wanted to win the battle. He, of course, was just playing along with the dog. Not even touching Cofem or the other dog. Well, we come over, say were sorry, and than Cofem starts cursing at us. "You take that damn dog away, what the hell are you thinking, lady?" So, we all come over and pull Warrior away. Well, the other dog didn't budge either, he was a wimp. So no one was harming each other. He didn't have a leash, and neither did Warrior. So as we say sorry for no reason at all, he says, "You bitch better get that fucking dog a leash, lady." We, say sorry, again. Well, out of the blue, Cofem started getting really pissed. "Whats your address, lady?" We ignored him, and said sorry again. "I'm gonna call the pound on that dog. Whats your problem, bitch? Get that damn dog away." By now, we had Warrior in our hands and out of his way, so we had no idea what he was talking about. "What's your address, lady? I want to know your address!" We said sorry, and continued until he left. Now, standing up for ourselves, we didn't want to leave. So, we sent Tina to get the leash so the next time he brings his dog around, we can tell him to get a leash. But, as Tina went up to get the leash, something eles happened. She went around the corner to her house, but then she saw the man. Cofem said, "Do you know where that crazy lady lives?" Tina anounced, trying not to give away her cover, "No." She continued, but Cofem said, "You know what, I bet you're that crazy ladies daughter." Tina continued skating down, but didn't stop at her house. Because Cofem, was following her. So she speeded up, probably really scared, and went the long way back to the park. By now, she had lost the man, and we were alone in the park. Well, now, we started talking about it again. As we thought it was soon over, we saw this old, but tall and fat figure walking sternly twords us. Cofem was without his dog, and he looked pissed. Well, Tina's mom said, "Lets get out of here." We started walking up the hill, but then Cofem got faster. So, then we started running faster. He started chasing us, and ran heavily. So now we started running franticly, laughing with fright, and when we looked back, he was there, and chasing us still. Screaming with adreniline, laughter, and fright, we ran as fast as we can. We finnaly turned the corner, and ran into the house with Warrior (it's the second from the corner.) So now, we locked the doors, and hoped his big fat ass was slowing him down and he didn't see us run in. Now, we were basicly laughing, and crying. Stephanie was ready to call 911. We turned off the light, and hoped to God that Warrior wouldn't start barking. Well, the door rang, and we heard a voice from outside sayind, "Is anyone thier? I know your in here!" Then he started mumbling who knows what, and we kind of froze in our spots for 10 minutes. After that, we went up stairs, tried to put it off, and opened presents. But just as we were getting better about it, the door rings, and it was him. We weren't sure it was him, until we called my mom, and Steph's mom, and made sure it was him. So, now, I write this laughing, and hope that tonight will bring some shut eye. God, this really makes this whole situation seem lighter. Well, we're just here to warn you that there are all Cofem's out thier. Yupyupyup.

Haha yeah, so there you have it. The story of Cofem. From the perspective of a bunch of frightened teenagers. Things have changed so much since then, thank god, such as the ability to create paragraphs. Man, that whole thing was like one run on sentence.

Juggernaut

ZODIAC SCOPE - Libra

If you are feeling a bit down in the dumps right now, be active with people and you'll start feeling better fast. Helping solve other people's problems will help take your mind off of your own, and it will help you see that answers come when there is enough brain power to make them happen! Teamwork and collaboration can move mountains and it's time for you to see that for yourself. Going off on your own and wallowing in misery is just a waste of time.

So today I went to help out video in making a spot feature on fire dancing. Before I went I was feeling pretty down, or as my horoscope describes it, 'down in the dumps.' A guy, whom I do not like, likes me and I'm finding it sort of hard to deal with right now. 

But being with my friends, hanging out and watching the fire spray everywhere, playing halo and stabbing the other players with energy swords; something about it made me feel like I'm not in this alone. It definitely took my mind off of all that's been happening around formal.

It's funny my horoscope mentions 'teamwork.' In Halo we played Juggernaut mode, which means basically one person is super powerful and fast and the other players work together to kill him. 

Life has been feeling like Juggernaut recently. Except instead of being super powerful, I have just been super smothered. It feels like I'm being hunted by all these different people, and I'm just defending myself by acting like a cold-hearted  bitch. 

But I definitely have to stop wining over my pathetic life. I do that a lot lately. It's way too late ( or early, making this zodiac scope an our outdated ) so I'm going to hit the sheets.

ZODIAC RATING: 7/10

Kicking It Back

ZODIAC SCOPE - Libra

Friends and family should be foremost in your mind right now, because they are the people who always have your back. New faces may promise intrigue, excitement or even romance, but they could also bring nothing but stress, disappointment and drama. What you need right now is reliability -- you need to be with people who know you inside and out. That's the best way to relax and just be yourself. So make time to reconnect or to just kick back at home with those who love you.

I can't believe the accuracy in this. Today I hung out with some old friends, who are absolutely amazing. Hanging out with them made me realize that, despite my personal problems, I have people who care about me. And I care about them. I don't need this hopeless romance that's drifting around school right now -- I have everyone I need right now right here already. To you, my wonderful friends, I love you.

And it's true that new faces only cause stress, disappointment and drama. Like, you don't even know. It's good to be around people I  can be myself around; to let loose. 

Zodiac Rating: 10/10

Spiralling

Every time I reach for you, you slip through my fingers

Spiralling - Keane

Why me? What did I ever do to deserve all this?

So basically, one of my guy friends likes me. I already knew this, so this wasn't a huge shocker. But he would always say he would never want to be in a relationship with me, so I never saw him as a potential threat to my singularity.

Unfortunately, he just told me that he really likes me. And would like to take me out on dates, etc. He's already asked me to formal, and I've turned him down. He says he'll ask me to prom in may, but I'll probably say no to that too. He's a nice guy, but, well, here's the thing...

I like one of his best friends. ALOT.

I know, I'm pathetic. But I started liking him before I even knew the other guy liked me. And the guy I like, more unfortunately, probably knows that his friend likes me. Which is horrible. Because you know the rule; bros before hoes. I'm no hoe, but the rule still applies.

What the hell am I supposed to do? I've told him I don't like him like that, and that dating a friend would just be too weird. 

Why can't life just be simple? I feel like I'm just spiraling down into this hole that I can't pull myself out of. 

Video and Relief

ZODIAC SCOPE - Libra

An issue you were afraid would rear its ugly head is going to be a no-show today, which means that you've got nothing to worry about. This release of tension early in the day will help you stay flexible and stay cheerful. You are ready for anything right now, and other people can tell. It's likely that you'll get a few invitations or requests from the higher-ups. Something you've been working for over the past months is getting closer and closer. Today you might get to touch it.

Ooh, this is quite interesting. I'm guessing the thing that is getting closer and closer...from someone 'higher-up'...is perhaps an invitation to formal? Unfortunately I wasn't asked by anyone today. And definitely not by the person of interest. Yet. Hey, I still have a week to figure things out!

There was a definite release of tension this morning, as I finally faced an issue head on and decided to make a leap of faith. Well, as you should know, I am an incredible slacker. Not only am I a slacker, but I'm afraid to take chances. I'm afraid I'll screw up, and fail. I've really got to change that. 

Well it starts with filming. I've been avoiding it all year, but I have to start filming something. So I agreed to film a girls soccer game tomorrow! Unfortunately, it's probably going to rain. Which means no filming for me. But at least I was willing. 

I really have to get on the ball with that, because next year all our wonderful seniors will be gone. Not to mention our director, who is just utterly amazing in everything he does. So yeah, I have half a year left to learn everything I can from my upper classmates before they move off to collage and I'm left all alone ):

On a side note, I'd like to mention something about video. I've noticed that I have been spending more and more time hanging out with people in that class. It starts with the fact that my usual crowd has grown rather annoying. And by annoying, I mean annoyingly distant. It feels like they never want to hang out with me. I love them to death, but I don't feel as if I have a lot in common with them. With everyone in video, however, I enjoy the time I spend with them. They're fun. They have personality. They're creative ( which is a trait you should posses if you go into the trade of video ). They're smart. It's too bad this year is almost over, because I'm going to miss everyone leaving that class next year. Video is, as you all should guess by now, my favorite class.

Moving back to the Zodiac Scope; Overall, this horoscope was pretty dang accurate.

Zodiac rating: 8/10.

Good Buzz

ZODIAC SCOPE - Libra

You're filled with a good buzz today and that energy can be used for almost anything. Your mental powers are sharper than ever, so if there's been a tough puzzle in your life, now's the time to solve it.

This is todays horoscope. I guess there was a good buzz around me today, considering I had video ( which always perks my spirits up. ) Most days start out good though, and usually end up sad and lonely.

Today I was able to hang out with some really cool people however, so my 'energy' was probably used to keep up with it all. My mental powers today, however, weren't the sharpest as I was extremely tired. There are SO many puzzles in my life right now, ( like whose asking who to formal and whose liking who and wow, so much drama ) but I'm too stressed to think about it right now.

Zodiac Rating: 5/10

Elephant!

Why does it feel like there's an elephant in the room?

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has felt like this before.

Don't you just hate it when you're hanging out with someone you barely know? It's an effort not to get up and leave.

So I'm celebrating a friends birthday, and I don't know anybody else there besides another close friend who is clearly uninterested in hanging out with me. Striking up a conversation is like trying to convince death to spear your life!

And it's not just the elephant in the room that bothers me, but the fact that I would never try to get along with those kinds of people outside of that room. The loud, girly type. I didn't feel at place at all, and where as I love the birthday girl to death, I just wanted to get the hell out of there before the room ran out of oxygen!

Basic Rant

We are living in a hypocritical world, and I am a hypocritical girl.

I'd first like to introduce myself. You can call me Jinx - for those who know me, you'll already get used to that pen name, as I use it quite often.

I am full of all these ideas and stories and thoughts and observations; like any teenager nowadays.  So onwards to our first topic.

You all are hypocrites.

Yes, I know you'll try to argue with me. Everyone is a hypocrite someway or another. I'm trying to be less of one.

So what is a hypocrite? According to the Webster's Dictionary:

Hypocrite ( noun ) : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.

Now I completely agree with the whole 'stated' part, but when I say that all people are hypocrites I mean it in the way unstated in the dictionary. You don't do everything you want to. You act opposite to your wishes. You lead separate lives from your desired ones. You sleep for one third of your life and miss out on the rest. And after that, you sleep forever.

A typical crush; we've all had them. The shy will ignore them when they come in contact, yet have vivid dreams and visions about them elsewhere. There deepest desire? To be with them. Most 'crushes' however end in the crushie to be crushed, as they soon forget about their warm feelings of lust and move onto the next victim. To you, the teenage heart-throb headhunter, you are a hypocrite. You can't really like somebody like that if you don't try to be with them. You're thinking things that you wouldn't act out in real life.

Don't live life sleeping. You spend too much of life dreaming and thinking and pondering and asking questions about who we are and what we're doing here. But you aren't LIVING. Life is what's real. Dreams are never real. It's a tough fact to face, I know. Dreams are fake. We can never make them real.

But we can, however, live out our dreams in life. This is different than living in a dream, for now your 'dream' is intertwined in your 'life.' Your dream is still a false reality, but now your reality is your dream.

Welcome

I've decided to keep a blog.

I know, I know, I've put off the idea for quite some time.
But you never know what might come out of it.

This'll mainly be a Zodiac Scope - meaning I'll keep track of my horoscopes every day. There will be the occasional rant tossed in there. I'll try to entertain (:

Ciao.